Silent Conversations

I’m getting tired….

I am not an expert. My faults far outweigh my ability to understand. But this moment has come again. You cry and I just say….

You have to be stronger.

You have to be able to wait longer.

You have to be happy for you own sake.

I’m here if you need me.

Please be well.

Does it make a difference? Probably not. Let go of people who always make you cry. Who delights in tears? Only the sorrowful and the joyful fully appreciate them. Be the joyful host. And I will prepare a good feast for you. Just let me. Hear me.

Stop this meaningless struggle.

If this is the dance,

I am going to have  with you.

It won’t hurt to take a chance.

If a misstep is inevitable

A smile is as good as a hug.

Remember what is desirable.

If the music stops and we’re still standing,

Dance with me in silence.

Old hurts must be and are slowly fading.

Dance.

Take my hand.

Let’s take a chance.

One lazy afternoon at the park…

Cheers for the vanilla ice cream folks. Now, if you could give me some lone time with ma’ sweet.

But the grownups won’t listen….

That’s it. You’re so gonna get it. I mean it (What’s that bone doing in the background?)

She unleased her power…

 Mmmmwaaaaah!! That should teach ya

You see, there’s a cherry on top of every ice cream.

Don’t talk to strangers. The golden rule that would always reverbrate in my head if approached by unknown someones. It’s there. It sends words of warning like  ”cautious” or “careful” or “run” (if necessary) into my consciousness without further invitation. It keeps me safe and well guarded. How many times can I afford to ignore such a simple reminder in the face of a seemingly harmless fella begging for some change? Only three times. Yup, three times.

Harmless Fella and the Lost Girl. Scene 1. My sense of direction is really pitiful but life won’t put up with it so I still get to travel from time to time. One time I had to go to a certain place in Tokyo. Stuffed my bag, with contingency thingies, like a map (that I can’t read), one more map (that I slightly dig) and another map (that seem to understand my pathetic navigational skills) and oh, a cell phone which was my Hansel’s bread crumbs. Then I was off.

The trip according to the map will take three train transfers. Everything was going well and I was beginning to feel a little cheeky when the direction pointed to endless paths. Panic (life’s built-in creepy companion) swelled steadily as I try to retrace my steps and find the right route. In the middle of my confusion (here we go) a stranger offered to help me. “Don’t talk to strangers” faded in and out at the back of my head but I followed with a tinge of glee and fear the person who was slithering his way effortlessly in the crowd to show me the way. I maintained a reasonable gap between us just enough to allow me to bolt in case he was bluffing. But he was not.

Greatly relieved and grateful I gave him my warmest smile. I was about to get my ticket when he asked me to pay for his train fare. If it had been a damn good joke, I am convinced it was on me. Surprised and completely unsure of the situation I politely confirmed if he wasn’t joking.  What was I to do? So, I handed him the money (which was really small by the way) and pretended to be on my way although I hadn’t bought my ticket yet. What the heck was that ?? I got to the place scot-free but stupefied as hell.

 Harmless Fella and the Same but NOT lost anymore Girl. Scene 2. Four months whisked by after my first encounter with Mr. Stranger. Around that time I was more aware of the train routes and managed to bring only one map (yes the one that understood my pathetic navigational skills) when I hit the road (or rail). Mr. Stranger became a blur. The man I never wanted to meet again in this blessed lifetime. Until one freakin rainy evening in Shibuya Station. I saw him first and the recognition just hit home. My memory recoiled at that thought of reliving that scary moment with the same stranger! Dangnabit with THAT particular fare-needy stranger!

I hustled to the ticket booth and before I could get my ticket, Mr. Stranger was already standing right next to me and whispering in his most incoherent string of English sentences his latest train fare predicament. He was asking for a bigger amount (but still fairly small) and looking more disturbed. F****ng scary. “Don’t talk to strangers.” I tried to pay more attention to the flashing warning in my head, however being an undecisive damsel in distress that I was, giving away a few coins seemed the smartest thing to do. So I did. He thanked me (almost sincerely) and disappread.  He’s got that slithering through the crowd thing in order alright, I give him that. As for me, I was cursing under my breath for being such … I don’t know… an easy target? a softie? An idiot? A train fare philantrophist? One way or freaking round trip? Kick me.

Harmless Fella and AGAIN the Same Girl at the Train Station. Scene 3 .The way Mr. Stranger looked at me the second time he found me suggested recognition. A fact that both scares and amuses me until now big time. This guy slithers through the crowd after a day’s work bearing the train fare philantropist’s money ( Philantropist. Hey my character can still sound philosophical albeit her social brain is still in the late stage of evolution). Arrrgh. Third is a charm baby. And Mr. Stranger knew this by heart.

Two days ago, I was doing my own clumsy version of the slithering through the crowd in Shinjuku station when Mr. Stranger spotted me. Again. Can this story get any worse? Oh you gotta be friggin’ kidding. Oh no.. no.. But yes, it was him. The same middle-aged guy, medium weight, short, those nerdy almost-goggle like spectacles, and that tous… wait a minute… A new haircut? I dont just remember his face. Fear mixed with curiosity has emblazoned his whole physique in my head.

If hearts could leap in a heartbeat, mine would’ve been in Tsukuba by the time I could get away from the third “accidental” encounter with Mr. Stranger. Our eyes met for a fleeting second but I knew he was delighted to see his old prey. Hey boss, I see you got a new haircut going on on top of your tricky little head. Want some change? I played it cool and secretly wishing for the crowd to push him away from me but he had found his good ole philantropist and his in no way in hell letting her off the hook that easily.

My ears were plugged with head phones but he approached me nonetheless. I didn’t take them off and acted totally out of character by being a little crude. And as expected he asked for a few coins to cover his train fare. I said no and started going in the other direction when he fell on his knees (he looked like a darn lover proposing to his angry girl friend). F**K! What’s up with the new act? You think I wont buy your story this time because you got yourself a new haircut?

 I didn’t expect that. The train fare yes. But the knees touching the ground. Hell no. No. No. I couldn’t for the love of …. check my surroundings to see who was watching the whole spectacle. I was simply unnerved. Now what? I decided to lead Mr. Stranger to the information desk while feigning interest over his situation by asking random questions about his job or the lack of it. It didn’t work though because half way through the action plan my knees buckled and I realized that I was scared and tired shitless. “Don’t talk to strangers.” Too late. I masked my fear and confusion with dumb questions. Mr. Stranger and I were having a chitchat and I was desperate to get rid of him.

The philantropist caved in and off Mr. stranger went, blending and finally getting swallowed by the crowd.  

The End.

(I F****ng hope so!)